Who even am I?

For the longest time - the last 20 years or so - I’ve defined myself as ‘Robert Gillies, the artist’, but in the last 12 months I’ve stepped away from that identity significantly, and it leaves me asking the question … who am I?

I remember the first time I ever uploaded a song anywhere - it was November 2005, it was a beyond-basic recording, and it set the stage for the creation of an identity that has defined me ever since. I’d written a few songs, kept them all to myself, and then a friend of mine told me about a music community (iCompositions) that gave you a place to share & receive feedback. It wasn’t long before I became one of the most vocal and prominent members of the site, sharing constantly, collaborating, learning how to write & produce through observation, feedback, and a lot of trial & error.

From that day on I embarked on a journey as an artist, determined to see just how far I could take things, and since then I’ve self-released well over 10 EPs, a slew of albums, singles both as myself and as Stirling, and two EPs with V2 Benelux. My entire online persona, across MySpace, YouTube, Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok, all of it was geared towards my identity as the singer and the songwriter, the face, the personality, able to freely share everything through that lense.

But even though I signed to a label in 2022, and my first single, Walk Over My Friends, racked up nearly 500k streams in 2023, nothing ever really popped off after that. With each single, that I was seriously putting my heart, soul, emotions, tears, and joy into, I felt my heart growing weary, and it was the first time I ever found myself asking the question:

What if none of this was meant for me?

I signed to another two EPs, took a risk to release something I felt sure would land (the Harder EP), and it flopped hard - the release also coincided with a huge period of personal crisis and I couldn’t commit my energy to pushing it. That being said, would it have made a difference?

Writing with Joel

Over this period, though, I was diving more & more into writing & producing for others, and I felt like that was opening way more doors for me than my artistry ever did. I found myself thinking that maybe the songs I was holding onto for me should be given a better opportunity with other artists with bigger platforms, and though it broke my heart, it made sense. It was like breaking up with someone who’s done nothing wrong, it’s just the relationship isn’t the right one.

So now I’m in a place where I’ve learned how to show up as a personality on my socials in a very specific way, always with songs to share, ideas to share, unreleased songs I can tease whenever I like - and now I can’t just pop anything up, can’t share unreleased songs, because ultimately none of it will be meant for me. And it’s such a strange place to be. I’m trying to figure out who I am now - who am I online? What do I share that’s related to my profession that gives me that same feeling of excitement?

This year is the year of discovery, of a new sense of self, and I hope you’ll follow me through it.